How My babies became my babies · The Gift ~ Joshua Ryan · The Miracle ~ Braeden Paul

How My Babies Came To Be My Babies

How my babies came to be my babies & being a Covenant Mom

How my babies came to be my babies & being a Covenant Mom

Ever since I can remember I have wanted nothing more than to be a wife & mother. In college I struggled with deciding on a career to pursue, b/c I felt the Spirit of God whispering that my greatest call & joy would be to become a stay-at-home mom. Due to many shut doors along the way including denial into nursing school even though I had straight A’s, I put the career pursuit behind me. Jonathan & I married in April 1999 & started trying to have a baby a few years later. Much to my surprise & dismay things didn’t go as planned. I had no trouble @ all getting pregnant, but around 8 weeks of the pregnancy I would start bleeding & loose the baby. After this happened 4 times over a couple of years we tried one more time. This time we had hope for a miracle when the ultrasound showed 2 babies instead of one! Jonathan was scared to death of having twins. I perceived this as a sign from God that He would bless us w/ twins to kindda “make up for” all of our loss & pain. When this pregnancy failed too I was MAD at God. After all, people had prayed over me, God had called me to be a mom & I had faith that He could make this work, but it STILL failed. “What kind of sick God would do this”, was honestly the cry of my heart. Father’s Day & Mother’s Day were particularly painful @ church as the pastor would preach about the blessings of parenthood & how to raise your children in the ways of the Lord. In 2003 on Father’s Day Jonathan & I were @ a church service & I was particularly bitter that day. I hated all the young mothers in the service & especially detested with jealousy the ones with big pregnant bellies who were expecting. I wept bitterly through the service as the pastor was preaching about Godly fathers. I said to the Lord, “How could you not let Jonathan have children when he would honor you & raise them so well…” I am so ashamed to admit how ugly I was towards God & other people that had what I thought by now I never would, but it is the truth. I am such a wretched sinner only saved by grace through faith in Jesus Christ. He alone is my righteousness for I am undone on my own! Anyways that same day after church as we were driving home from church Jonathan said, “I feel like the Lord told me during church that He is going to bless us through adoption”. During that drive home I felt the Spirit of God’s peace rush & wash over me cleansing me from all the anger, resentment & pride that I had towards the Lord. I heard Him in a near audible voice telling me He loved me. He set me free from my bondage of self pity & I had joy again that I hadn’t had for some time as my back was turned against Him. I kid you not THREE days later as I was having dinner with my dear mom she told me that there was a young lady who wanted to give us the baby she was carrying. Remember – we had never pursued adoption & only had the revelation 3 days before that we would be blessed by it. The whole adoption process was a huge faith builder in our lives. It was a beautiful picture of giving as Randi handed over her firstborn son to us in that hospital room. It so reminded me of God sending His only son to us to give us Himself. After adopting Joshua, when he was just 8 mo old we found out I was pregnant again (oops – some natural methods of birth control just don’t work;). I had recently heard about a Dr. there in Lubbock where we were living @ the time that had helped many woman have babies that had previously had miscarriages. I felt a pull to go see this Dr. ASAP. She put me on progesterone shots for the first 12 weeks (then your placenta starts making it) & then there was Braeden Paul. It is no accident that all of these events came to pass & I give God all the glory & honor for what He has done in my life. If you give you life to God He will direct your path. In return for the gifts of my babies I daily give them back to Him (they’re already His anyways) & strive to teach them to know the same personal Savior that I know. My kids will grow up infused w/ the Word of God, & hopefully with help from the Holy Spirit we will keep as much junk out of their little minds as possible (trashy movies, worldly pursuits, pagan practices). This is what being a Covenant Mom means to me. I know that being a Cov Mom is something that I will work on daily through time in His Word, prayer, abstaining from sin & surrendering to His leadership. I am a work in progress & it is not automatic – I have to desire & strive to be in His will. It takes discipline & discernment. I am not & will not ever be a perfect mom, but if my children become men that know & love Jesus more than everything else including themselves then I can smile & be a blessed woman


6 thoughts on “How My Babies Came To Be My Babies

  1. Thank You sooo much for sharing your story!! It is a beautiful story of God’s Faithfulness, Love, Grace and Mercy!! It is a story of where we’ve been and where God takes us!! You have encouraged and inspired me! Be Blessed in HIM!!Angie in GA

  2. I was searching for a verse for my kindergarten class that I teach on Thursdays, and I found your blog. No, God sent me here. I read your story with tears streaming down my face, and I just wish I could meet you (but I live in NY). You don't have to post this comment, but I wanted to say thanks for the encouragement you gave me today, from one mom to another. I needed a God-hug today, and He sent your blog across my computer screen. My heart is to raise up my children to serve Him and be the best example I can be with the help of the Holy Spirit…and have fun doing it! It has been a tough year this year for our family, but I am reminded that God is our refuge, our shelter, a very present help…thanks again! Holly

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